What Kind of Mother … ?

Posted on Posted in Dandy Walker Syndrome, Induction/L&D, Termination after 24 weeks

By Rachel Bertsche When Kate, a 29-year-old mom outside Boston, found out she was pregnant with a second daughter, she was elated. Then, at 36 weeks along, she got the news that is every expecting parent’s worst nightmare: Her baby, who she would later name Rose, had two brain malformations. Kate decided to have abortion, and eventually found solace in a support group on the website Ending a Wanted Pregnancy. The online community is for parents who terminate pregnancies for medical reasons (pregnancies they wanted, but chose to end after a severe prenatal diagnosis or maternal health issue) and who often feel alone or ashamed, and […]

My Third-Trimester Abortion

Posted on Posted in Dandy Walker Syndrome, Stories, Termination after 24 weeks

By Kate C. This article is based on a talk the author gave to OBs and medical students at her diagnosing hospital. I am here today to tell you about my third trimester abortion. Before I begin, I want to make two things very clear: First, I am here to speak with you because I want to share my experience. I am not afraid to share, and you shouldn’t be afraid to ask questions if you have them. I think people often hold back to protect me, but they needn’t bother. I live with these memories every day. There is no angle from which I haven’t looked […]

It’s Always, Always Up

Posted on Posted in Artistic Expressions, Dandy Walker Syndrome

By Kate C. They don’t want to remind me of her. Don’t want to say her name. Don’t want to bring it up. But it is up. It is up in the morning. It is up in the afternoon. It is up in the evening. When I’m laughing, When I’m running, When I’m resting, On her birthday, On Christmas, Every day, It is up. To remind me of my daughter, To surprise me with my grief, To bring up my dead baby girl, Implies that I ever could forget. It is always, always up.   Image courtesy of Pixabay.

The Gulf Between Grief & The Regular World

Posted on Posted in Articles, Dandy Walker Syndrome, Induction/L&D

By Kate C. It has been two years since my husband and I left our home, eldest daughter, and entire support network behind on a last-minute flight to the Rocky Mountains. There, there was a doctor who would help us let our baby girl go. With a single injection, he released her spirit from its broken body, then, over the course of several days, safely, carefully, he released her body from mine, so that I didn’t have to follow my baby into the abyss. I birthed her, still and whole, exactly one week after an MRI shattered our world. People sometimes ask me what that was […]

Deposition in the Night

Posted on Posted in Opinion, Religious Perspectives, Stories, Termination after 24 weeks

By Kate C. Originally posted at Makin’ Babies. Shared by permission. Ten months have passed since losing my baby. The anniversary is approaching. My deadline for filing a grievance with my insurance company is closing in. Spring is blooming. Soon, I won’t have to count the seasons with memories of last year’s useless gestational milestones. Soon, I will get a fresh start. I no longer feel broken. Wounded, healing, but not broken. I feel exactly where I should be with the infant loss piece of my tragedy. I am full of sadness and acceptance for my dead baby, the little handful of ashes on my […]

Finding Out: Dandy-Walker Syndrome

Posted on Posted in Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum, Other Diagnoses, Stories, Termination after 24 weeks

By Kate C. Originally titled “Dandy Walker Syndrome” and published at Makin’ Babies – Adventures in Family Building. Republished by permission. I went for a reassurance ultrasound yesterday. It was not reassuring. At my fetal survey, much earlier in my pregnancy, they had a very hard time imaging the baby’s brain, and there was a ghost of a brain abnormality on the resulting images. It showed up in some, not in others. I was sent to a bigger, higher-risk hospital for a second opinion where they also had trouble getting their images but saw no sign of any abnormalities and declared my baby healthy and […]

Two months out

Posted on Posted in Termination after 24 weeks

By Kate C. I’m about two months out from my loss, and one month out from the due date. Life goes on, and I engage with more and more of it as the weeks go by. Body From an objective standpoint, my body is recovering well. However, I find it impossible to be objective. I am impatient on this matter. Again and again I have to remind myself, “Kate, you had a baby two months ago.  Remember how you looked and felt two months after having your LC? You’re doing great. You will get your body back, but it takes time.”  When you’re carrying a baby on […]