By Ava’s Mom Today my mom called me about my cousin and his wife who are expecting their first baby. We are very happy for them. Their baby is breech, so they’ve scheduled a c-section which will take place on my second child’s due date. It hit me that I should be planning a first birthday party. It also hit me that for my cousin’s wife, the worst thing happening is she can’t have the vaginal birth she wanted. I have had three children vaginally, but only two are living. My first pregnancy—a chemical pregnancy—ended before it really began. I didn’t think of it as […]
by T.T. In a week, we will be marking one year since we said goodbye, and I wanted to reflect upon it all. It took nearly nine months for me to even start to come to terms with what happened to our family in the last year, and the decisions we made. It led to a new phase of tears, but it felt somewhat different than in the early days. For a long time, I struggled to even allow myself to grieve the loss of our sweet baby, Daniel, because of the massive guilt I felt. Though raised Catholic, I’m totally liberal in ways that […]
By C.J. This is Ethan’s story–my youngest son. It started out much like I thought for a third pregnancy. I have two healthy children, a girl, age five, and a boy, age three. I was sick with morning/all day sickness. When you are that sick and you have been through it twice before, it is hard to be too excited, but my husband and children were over the moon about the new baby. My son kept looking at my stomach and saying “is it getting bigger?” While my daughter began kissing my growing belly and writing “I love you” cards for her new sibling. My […]
By J.G. After having a miscarriage at eight weeks this year, I found out I was pregnant again at around six weeks. I was excited and nervous to be pregnant so soon after miscarrying. I made it past the eight weeks scary zone and I had my first appointment with the genetics counselor at 12 weeks to determine any risks associated with my pregnancy. We opted to do an ultrasound and the new cell-free fetal DNA (Panorama) testing. The ultrasound looked wonderful and showed no soft markers for any kind of birth defects. I was excited that everything looked good and I was almost on […]
By J.D. I have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), so when my husband and I decided to try getting pregnant earlier this year, we had a difficult time finding that “window” due to my irregular cycles. We were referred to a fertility office where we started months of testing to narrow down the issue and come up with a plan. My husband tested fine and it was determined that I had plenty of eggs, they just weren’t ovulating themselves. We would do ovulation induction with medications and timed intercourse. Our first cycle worked! I couldn’t believe it. I stared at the stick in pure disbelief then […]
By Vanessa Spiritoso When I was pregnant with baby number three, I wasn’t excited but I wasn’t unhappy. My mind was preoccupied with running after my two boys who are under the age of five. I really didn’t have time to focus on baby number three. Some days I felt pregnant, but most days I did not. I remember telling my family that I knew I was pregnant but it didn’t feel like it. I even remember talking to my baby asking, “Are you in there?” because I didn’t feel like I felt when I was pregnant with the boys. I didn’t have that aggressive […]
By Zena Mason To the newly bereaved parent: please know that you’re not alone. I want to share my story of medical termination in Australia. This was extremely hard to write and share. In a world full of supportive people we have certainly felt alone because it’s so taboo and people are scared to talk about anything to do with the loss of a child. Unfortunately, we live in a world where we as humans are judged for what shoes we wear, what house we live in and whether we like boys or girls, so when we had to make a heart-wrenching choice it became apparent […]
I loved him, and I knew I was making the right decision for him, but it didn’t make it any easier.
These zealous women didn’t know me, or the pain I was going through. Didn’t know that I was already a mother who desperately wanted another child. Didn’t know my fetus wasn’t healthy. Didn’t know I was a medical professional who of course understood her alternatives.
By Holly “There are no words.” This was a response I received from one of my childhood friends when I told her about losing Heath. I had received so many other responses such as “I am so sorry for your loss” or “we are praying for you and your family” etc. and while those responses were nice, “there are no words” was exactly the response I needed at the time. You see, there are no words when someone loses a baby. There are no words when you receive the life-changing ultrasound results. There are no words when you are faced with a decision to terminate. […]