A Lost Dream

Posted on Posted in Stories

By Nicole

I was incapable of doing anything for anyone, or for myself.
I was incapable of doing anything for anyone, or for myself.

My husband and I have two young children and this past fall we discovered we were expecting again. We were excited to add to our family.

A week after I discovered I was pregnant, I began to show signs of morning sickness like I had with my second pregnancy. But within days I got even sicker than I had before. I was constantly bloated as if I was about to explode, and this made eating very difficult. I couldn’t eat much more than some Wheat Thins and water.

The few home remedies I tried first did not work. I was beginning to get concerned and I had a host of symptoms I have never experienced with my past pregnancies. I contacted my OB and received my first anti-nausea medication. I didn’t believe it could get any worse.

Within a few days my symptoms worsened. I thought of going to the hospital, but my husband and I believed that all they would do for me was give me an IV for re-hydration and send me home, no matter what I pushed for or said. I had experienced this before with my last pregnancy, and I just figured I would rather suffer at home than at the hospital away from family.

At seven weeks pregnant I was declining fast. I had already contacted my OB for another anti-nausea prescription after the last one didn’t work. Now I was cloudy and unable to think very well or complete day to day functions. My young kids were getting worried, asking questions and looking concerned: Why was Mommy unable to spend any time with them? Why was she so sick?

The unrelenting nausea and mind-disturbing symptoms got even worse. I was doing my best to manage them. By this point I knew I had to do something. There had to be something very wrong for me to be this ill. When I went to bed at night, I believed I may not wake up. At this point I had no clue what was wrong with me and was afraid for my life and for my family, especially after having had two successful pregnancies and knowing my body. I felt scared and alone.

At my lowest point, I broke down and could not deal another second. That was when we made our heartbreaking decision┬áto terminate the pregnancy. I would have love to have stayed pregnant, but we felt that this was the only option open to us because I was incapable of doing anything for anyone, or for myself. I lived in my bed, rubbing my stomach and only moving when I absolutely had to. I would try and try, but I just couldn’t do it. My body felt as if it was shutting down.

My husband was very supportive and understood how ill I was. He accompanied me to the clinic so we could be together through this very tough and sad time. My experience at the clinic was good and the staff were great. I felt as though I was supported and trusted. This was such a blessing in this horrible situation that neither of us wanted to be in.

About a month later I discovered what was wrong with me via the group of wonderful ladies in the discussion group, and my OB confirmed it. I’d had undiagnosed Hyperemesis Gravirdium.

I am grateful to now know what was wrong, but one very true fact remains: When I am pregnant, I have a disease that is awful, scary and hard. I will forever remember the little bit of time I did get to spend being pregnant again. My biggest hope is that woman learn about this disease and get help fast. I truly feel for any woman to has to deal with this devastating illness.

photo credit: joiseyshowaa via photopin cc