When We Create Meaning

Posted on Posted in Articles, D&E, Multiple Losses, Opinion, Stories, Twin-toTwin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS)

By Tova Gold

sunshine daisy
How I ached for the opportunity to hold my two daughters at the same time, looking at their matching little faces.

About six weeks after the girls died, I thought I would die from my grief. The entire experience of pregnancy and loss felt like a bad dream that I’d imagined. It’s because I never met them. I had no concrete evidence they’d existed. I chose to be “put under” for the delivery, because I was scared, and when I woke up they were gone, no longer in my body. It wasn’t until after that I realized how much I yearned to know what they’d looked like. How I ached for the opportunity to hold my two daughters at the same time, looking at their matching little faces. How much it killed me that so few people ever get to be blessed with identical twins and I was ‘scared’ of the opportunity to meet them and tell them, to their sweet faces, that I loved them. That is a regret I will carry always, yet I have come to peace with the fact that I made the best choice I could at a time when there were simply no good choices.

Read the rest of Tova’s article at Finding My Muchness.

©Tova Gold. Originally published at Finding My Muchness. Republished by permission.

 

 
photo credit: one. . . two. . . via photopin (license)