Omphalocele

Q&A: Would it have made me a better person?

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Expecting Adam will not make you a better person

What if I had continued the pregnancy? Would my living children grow to become stronger, gentler people? Have a question for Ending a Wanted Pregnancy? Email us. QUESTION I terminated my pregnancy following a poor prenatal diagnosis of omphalocele. Recently, I read a memoir called Expecting Adam by Marsha Beck, the mother of a child with Down syndrome who learned of his condition prenatally and chose to continue her pregnancy. It’s making me wonder if a better person would make a different choice than I did. After reading it, I’ve started to second-guess my decision. What if we’d been more willing to change our priorities? If we’d readjusted our […]

Articles

The 20-Week Abortion Ban is Harmful

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By Anne RE: The Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act Abortion care is normal medical care. There are times it saves women’s lives. There are times it allows dying babies to suffer less than if they were born. There are grayer zones where women or babies are ill but not dying. There are even grayer areas, where it is still medically necessary. Abortion is a private medical decision made by a woman in consultation with her doctor. It is not possible for people with no medical training, who do not know a woman’s medical history, and have not conducted a physical exam of the woman, to […]

D&E

Q&A: Why Not Just Scan for Defects Earlier?

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12-week scan

Some parents have enough information to make a decision at 12 weeks or earlier, but many are still being told everything is “fine” at that point. Have a question for Ending a Wanted Pregnancy? Email us. QUESTION Why have an abortion so late? Why not just scan for defects earlier? A 12-week scan can pick up most issues. I had a scan at 12 weeks and discovered our baby had a giant omphalecele (all his internal organs were in a sack on the outside of his body). We were told his lungs and heart would not develop properly and he had a 1 in 10,000 chance of […]

Opinion

Destigmatizing Abortion

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destigmatizing abortion

By Grace O. Let’s talk about destigmatizing abortion. I’ll start by saying that wherever you are at right now with the word abortion, you are Ok and you are welcome here. Discomfort with the word—and the associated politics surrounding it—are not uncommon in this community, especially with our newcomers. But I think it’s time we sat down with an ice cold of pitcher of lemonade and talked it out. First things first: we are here to support you through your pregnancy loss regardless of your politics. We understand that emotionally, terminating a wanted pregnancy for medical reasons is very different from terminating an unwanted pregnancy. We’re probably all […]

Opinion

Q&A: How do you deal with people who disagree?

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People who disagree

Yes, we have heard many times from people who don’t “agree” with ending a pregnancy following a medical diagnosis. Have a question for Ending a Wanted Pregnancy? Email us. QUESTION I’ve ended two pregnancies because of Cystic Fibrosis. We are still trying to welcome a child into our lives, through IVF. Over the last few years, I have written a lot. Now I feel I want to reach out more with my personal writing, maybe through a book, a blog or a web site. Should I use my own name or a pseudonym? I don’t want to hide, but I don’t want the subject to be the decision we made, but […]

Articles

Stepping Out: Transforming Pain into Loving Action

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By Marna Cathleen Today is the second anniversary of Blue’s EDD (expected due date). Two years ago today me, her father, family and friends gathered to honor her life. This year as I anticipated the day I didn’t know what to expect. To my surprise something unexpected and beautiful happened two days before her day that made March 16th a very beautiful day. I worked at a homeless clinic as medical social worker for the last year, and left in January for a new job. I believe that my experience with Blue and the deep pain of that loss has widened my bandwidth to hold other people’s […]

Opinion

We All Walk Our Own Paths

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By T.W. I am not writing to criticize. I feel so deeply for these families and the choices they made. I cry reading these stories they’ve written because I went through similarly agonizing decisions with my own pregnancy at age 30. My son, who is now age two, has Down syndrome. I would never say or do anything to add to anyone’s pain. I experienced the same feelings these women and families went through with a poor prenatal diagnosis. I had decided to carry my pregnancy to term and only later, when I was already several months pregnant, I learned that my son had a hole in his heart and […]

Articles

Q&A: How Do You Feel About the Word Abortion?

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the word abortion

Maybe what we need is to say the word out loud more. Maybe that’s part of destigmatizing abortion. Have a question for Ending a Wanted Pregnancy? Email us. QUESTION We asked our web site and support group administrators “How do you feel about the word ‘abortion’? How have your feelings about the word changed in the years since you had yours?” ANSWERS For me even after hearing my doctor say abortion, I still didn’t want to believe it. I was a sucky pro-choice person back then. I thought abortion was reserved for other people, not me, the happily married woman. But I always said I never knew […]

Opinion

Mother’s Advice

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By Carrie U. Terminating a pregnancy after a diagnosis of Down syndrome seems to come and go as a debate topic. At times this choice is unfairly characterized as “the wrong one.” As one who is in a position to know, I am here to offer my own perspective on this topic. I am a 38-year-old mother of three beautiful children. I have been incredibly blessed; all were born healthy and, knock on wood, will continue to lead happy lives even when I am no longer around. With each pregnancy, I was very nervous. Yes, nervous about being pregnant in general, but also nervous because I have a sister five years […]

Opinion

A Letter of Support

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By H. B. I found this site through a link on a forum, in a discussion on the reasons for ending a pregnancy late-term. I read through many of the stories here, and commend the women for having the strength to share their experiences with others forced into making painful decisions. I am the mother of three, and my middle child has Trisomy 21 (Down syndrome). I love and cherish her. She is beautiful and high functioning. But I cannot say what my decision might have been had I had a prenatal diagnosis. Quite likely I would not have continued the pregnancy. While she is […]