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Hope for the Newly Bereaved

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By Sara I am so sorry for your losses. You will get through and life will be good again. Please know that you can handle anything now. Not much could be worse than what we have all been through. I still think of my baby every day, but it doesn’t break my heart anymore. It just is, there, in the background. I have moved along, dealt with my loss and accepted it. My new outlook on life is a little less naïve, but stronger. I no longer expect that things will be okay, I accept that what will be will be, and I have the […]

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This isn’t about Down syndrome

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By Grace O. Ending a Wanted Pregnancy isn’t about Down syndrome (trisomy 21). This needs to be said, because to hear just about anyone else in the media tell it, all prenatal tests are for diagnosing Down syndrome, and all terminations following poor prenatal diagnosis are because of Down syndrome. When and how did a single chromosomal disorder become the proverbial poster child for all prenatal diagnoses, all medical issues, all life-threatening disorders and all cognitive disorders? When I hear people fantasizing about how they would “never” end a pregnancy for poor prenatal diagnosis, invariably they bring up Down syndrome. They’ll trot out someone they know […]

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Q&A: What Helped & What Didn’t

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Have a question for Ending a Wanted Pregnancy? Email us. QUESTION When it came to how people reacted and how they treated you around the time of your loss, what things did they say or do that helped you, and what where the things they said or did that were not helpful or were hurtful? (Note: All answers are from members of our community’s private support group.)   ANSWERS What Helped It was helpful when people asked me what happened, what was wrong with the baby and what we’d been through. I needed to talk about it. Simply asking, How are you doing? and offering […]

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Why This Loss is So Hard

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By Grace O. There is, unfortunately no shortcut through the grief that follows the decision to end a wanted pregnancy following a catastrophic prenatal diagnosis. This unusual form of pregnancy loss is often misunderstood by those who haven’t faced it. It can seem harder than other losses both because there is a decision involved, and because it involves us physically so much. The loss is from our very bodies; the baby we lost was still physically a part of our being. So in addition to all of the emotional pain of the loss of our hoped-for child, we have the physical loss of our pregnant state. […]