Q&A

Q&A: Will I Ever Recover from the Guilt?

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guilt

Avoid those who seek to validate their own choices by pressuring you to do the same—regardless of what choice they’ve made. Have a question for Ending a Wanted Pregnancy? Email us. QUESTION I just had an amnio. I am only 16 weeks along. They had a tough time seeing a lot with the level 2 ultrasound but did say the baby is missing the third bones on the pinky fingers, which is a soft marker for Down syndrome. We chose to have the amnio so we could terminate the pregnancy if there was a problem. Now we’re facing the very real possibility of having to make a very tough […]

Opinion

Q&A: What About Miracles Though?

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What about miracles, though?

If a good outcome with a given prenatal diagnosis is the least bit common, what is “awe inspiring” about it? Have a question for Ending a Wanted Pregnancy? Email us. QUESTION I stumbled across your website while surfing the Internet. Don’t you have a place for people who are living with their absolutely wonderful, awe-inspiring, children with various disabilities to add stories that might bring hope and challenge parents to make other decisions after receiving a prenatal diagnosis? Why aren’t you including stories about disabled kids who have miraculously defied all the odds? ANSWER The sole mission of this web site is to provide comfort and support […]

D&E

Q&A: Can I Choose the Termination Procedure I Want?

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Have a question for Ending a Wanted Pregnancy? Email us. QUESTION My unborn child has been diagnosed with severe spina bifida with hydrocephalus at week 19 gestation. My husband and I have decided to terminate the pregnancy. The D&E seems cruel to me. I would like to have early induction and delivery abortion (L&D) but I don’t think they will offer it to me. I think that I would cope and grieve more effectively with this termination method. I want to see my child and say goodbye. Do you have any suggestions?   ANSWER I am very sorry that you are having to go through […]

Anencephaly

Q&A: But Aren’t I Morally Superior?

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morally superior

Sadly, grief and depression can be seriously compounded by the judgmental, self-righteous condemnation and gloating of others. I sincerely hope you are keeping your negativity to yourself and not contributing to her pain. Have a question for Ending a Wanted Pregnancy? Email us. QUESTION During a routine ultrasound, my sister’s baby girl was diagnosed with a fatal birth defect called anencephaly. My sister, her husband, and our whole family were devastated. She decided to continue her pregnancy, and five months later gave birth to her little girl. She was with us for four days. The impact she had on so many people, doctors, nurses, friends, and family will never be […]

Congenital Heart Defects

Choosing Compassion

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By Grace O. A mother, who found out her unborn baby had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS), decided to carry him to full term. But she did not have him undergo the series of surgeries that might have saved his life. She said, “You must believe that the decisions you are making are the right ones for you, your baby, and your family; founded in love, they cannot be wrong.” Although my choice was different from hers, I agree with her statement. When it comes to parental decisions, and there is no one-size-fits-all correct choice. It is all too easy to judge another’s choice or […]

Articles

Cookie Cutter Grief Support

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By Grace O. We all feel exactly this. I was scooting around on the Internet the other day when I spotted this bit of well-intentioned but less-than-helpful advice in group for those who’ve aborted wanted pregnancies for medical reasons: “We all go through this grief. We all feel exactly the same way, each and every one of us, with the same progress and the same setbacks, and none of us ever get over it.” Oh really? If you’ve been subjected to this cookie cutter brand of “grief support,” I’m sorry. There is no identical process that we all go through. There are no specific feelings […]

Opinion

Never Say Never

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poised to fight

The vast majority of people claiming they “would never” haven’t faced this choice. They’re not morally superior, just ignorant and lucky. by Grace O. It happens to most of us sooner or later. You reveal the details of your heartbreaking decision to a trusted friend, neighbor, coworker, family member and she responds with a soul-crushing line like, “That’s not the decision I would have made!” or “I would love my baby no matter what!” or “But children with Down syndrome are beautiful and always so happy!” While we’re waiting for her to sprain her shoulder patting herself on the back for her imaginary moral superiority, […]

Congenital Heart Defects

Parachutes

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Happy rainbow baby

My happy rainbow baby at 6 months. Why my “rainbow baby” owes his existence to legal abortion Grace O. About nine months after making my heartwrenching choice to end my 20-week pregnancy due to a combination Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome and Down syndrome, I conceived again. That was a tough decision, one I had to make all over again each month that I did not get pregnant. Getting pregnant again is not a decision I would have made if abortion had not been legal. After what we’d been though, it was terrifying to even consider trying again. I now understood only too well that poor […]