Though the act of scheduling the termination—and the thought of actually showing up voluntarily to have it done—felt impossible to me, I didn’t ever really doubt our decision. I knew what we had to do, even though the thought of doing of it broke me in a way I didn’t think I could feel broken. By Roseanne It was a Tuesday, my day off, and naptime when the phone call came. I was reading one last book to our daughter, cuddled up under a blanket in our bed. I didn’t recognize the number, but it was local, and I knew that maybe it was […]
So many questions remain. Why do I feel like I’m in someone else’s life? Why don’t I recognize myself anymore? What can I do to help myself get better? By Malky It was a storybook pregnancy: perfect timing, smooth pregnancy, I was feeling great, and I’d gained minimal weight. Then we went in for the second trimester ultrasound at 22 weeks and nothing was perfect anymore. Trisomy 13. No chance of survival. Possible dangers to me if I carry the pregnancy to term. The doctor’s advice was “Stop the pregnancy as soon as possible.” Just like that, everything changed. No warning. Six days later it was over. The baby was […]
“I asked for those flowers because I wanted a reminder of your life, and your birth that was also your death but yet, it was a birth.” By Sabrina Fletcher This week I should have been entering the third trimester of my second pregnancy. The trimester of “Oh, when are you due?” and of “Oh wow, you’re having a baby!”… and the trimester of maternity tops and stretchy elastic band pants and round round bellies (and other parts). But you, my baby, are not here with me. The air is chilly and wet as I step outside to throw the compost onto the pile in our […]
Writing can be an outlet for these knotted up feelings, a way of unraveling the stuck.
Jane Brody Parents who have experienced the joy of bringing a healthy child into the world can hardly imagine the pain of losing a baby, even one not close to being born. I have a friend who suffered three miscarriages, another whose baby died in utero when she was eight months pregnant and a third whose baby was alive at the start of labor but was stillborn. The pain that accompanies such losses is shared by those who feel compelled to terminate wanted pregnancies after learning through amniocentesis or other diagnositc tests that the fetus has serious abnormalities. Last Christmas, relatives of mine, who had been so […]
By Molly A. Minnick, ACSW “You just can’t escape the fact that Christmas is about children. It makes it hurt even more that my child is gone.” These words have been echoed many times over the years as almost a universal response to bereaved parents at the holidays. In the religious experience of Christmas, we celebrate a very special birth. There is no escaping this. In the secular world, Santa Claus is everywhere and so are children. To the bereaved parent it can feel like there is no escape at the holidays. “I have to spend the holidays with my extended family where no one […]
By Grace O. There is, unfortunately no shortcut through the grief that follows the decision to end a wanted pregnancy following a catastrophic prenatal diagnosis. This unusual form of pregnancy loss is often misunderstood by those who haven’t faced it. It can seem harder than other losses both because there is a decision involved, and because it involves us physically so much. The loss is from our very bodies; the baby we lost was still physically a part of our being. So in addition to all of the emotional pain of the loss of our hoped-for child, we have the physical loss of our pregnant state. […]