Articles

Our Creativity Meets Our Grief

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By Nora Swan-Foster, MA, ATR In everyday life there is light and there is shadow. If there is no light, there is no shadow. If we focus only on the light in our life, then the shadow gets larger, wanting our attention. Grief is shadow. When we turn to shine a light on our shadow, it is transformed. For centuries the creative process has offered people a way to express the inexpressible, to integrate the shadowy parts of life. Many of us say we “are not creative,” but we are all born creative. Every time I facilitate an art therapy group, I hear people apologize […]

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Choices Before Termination

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By Nancy W. Did you know that the Chinese characters which make up the word for “crisis” include two symbols, one for danger, and one for opportunity? I know that this is a time fraught with anguish for you. But I would like to help you also see it from the perspective of opportunity. I want to give you some ideas to think about as you go through your procedure. I recognize, by this point, you are nearly numb; at least I was. And you may feel that you are beyond making any more decisions. But there are some things you may want to consider. […]

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After Ending a Pregnancy ~ Ripples of Pain

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Jane Brody Parents who have experienced the joy of bringing a healthy child into the world can hardly imagine the pain of losing a baby, even one not close to being born. I have a friend who suffered three miscarriages, another whose baby died in utero when she was eight months pregnant and a third whose baby was alive at the start of labor but was stillborn. The pain that accompanies such losses is shared by those who feel compelled to terminate wanted pregnancies after learning through amniocentesis or other diagnositc tests that the fetus has serious abnormalities. Last Christmas, relatives of mine, who had been so […]

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Q&A: What Helped & What Didn’t

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Have a question for Ending a Wanted Pregnancy? Email us. QUESTION When it came to how people reacted and how they treated you around the time of your loss, what things did they say or do that helped you, and what where the things they said or did that were not helpful or were hurtful? (Note: All answers are from members of our community’s private support group.)   ANSWERS What Helped It was helpful when people asked me what happened, what was wrong with the baby and what we’d been through. I needed to talk about it. Simply asking, How are you doing? and offering […]

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Grief and the Holidays

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By Molly A. Minnick, ACSW “You just can’t escape the fact that Christmas is about children. It makes it hurt even more that my child is gone.” These words have been echoed many times over the years as almost a universal response to bereaved parents at the holidays. In the religious experience of Christmas, we celebrate a very special birth. There is no escaping this. In the secular world, Santa Claus is everywhere and so are children. To the bereaved parent it can feel like there is no escape at the holidays. “I have to spend the holidays with my extended family where no one […]

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Why This Loss is So Hard

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By Grace O. There is, unfortunately no shortcut through the grief that follows the decision to end a wanted pregnancy following a catastrophic prenatal diagnosis. This unusual form of pregnancy loss is often misunderstood by those who haven’t faced it. It can seem harder than other losses both because there is a decision involved, and because it involves us physically so much. The loss is from our very bodies; the baby we lost was still physically a part of our being. So in addition to all of the emotional pain of the loss of our hoped-for child, we have the physical loss of our pregnant state. […]