I know I am a mother even though my son is not with me.
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We asked our support group members to share their answers to these questions:
How will you deal with Mother’s Day this year? Are you making any special plans? Do you have any Mother’s Day traditions? Will you create an activity or add a new tradition to honor the baby you lost? How will you let your family and friends know what you need this Mother’s Day?
I focus on my mom on Mother’s Day. I haven’t ever thought my loss on that day and I won’t this year either. I lost both of mine before 12 weeks so I know I’m different from others.
I know I am a mother even though my son is not with me. This is my first Mother’s Day. I plan on sending all my love to my son in heaven this Mother’s Day just like I do every other day.
I skip it.
We have a longstanding Mother’s Day tradition going to the nursery to get colorful hanging petunias for our front porch, herbs that we grow in pots on the porch, and vegetables for our small garden out back. So it’s a very busy and dirt-filled day. It’s a fun, down-to-earth activity that keeps me looking forward instead of thinking about my loss. While we’re at the nursery I always pick up a flowering plant for my mother and find some time to take it over to her house.
Maybe I’ll go off-diet and eat something delicious.
It is my first Mother’s Day since my D&E and I know it will be hard. I’m lucky that I have a 2.5 year old son so I am focusing on him as much as I can that day and sticking with our tradition of a Mother’s Day brunch with just him and my husband.
I have made the word “blessed” my theme word for 2015 since having my termination. It helps me to focus on the positive. I even bought a bracelet with that word on it. I choose to focus on my blessings (my daughter, my mom, my grandmother, etc.). This year, I will actually be in Ireland chaperoning a study abroad trip during Mother’s Day (something that clearly would not have been possible if I were still pregnant). Again, blessed.
My Mother’s Days usually revolve around trying to dissuade my husband and children from going crazy. I don’t like going out because of the crowds. In the past, hubby would leave with my our kids so I could be alone at home, but since my pregnancy termination which happened 9 years ago that doesn’t work for me anymore.
I am lucky enough to have living children, and so there’s none of that invisibility that can happen when your angel baby is your only baby. I spend my Mother’s Day with my living family, and if I can get a little bit of a break for some peace and quiet, all the better.
I reserve my lost baby’s birthday as my day of recognition for her. It’s right around the corner after Mother’s Day, but it’s separate and I can take it as a day just for her. It’s important to me to have that. I don’t do much special. We have a cake (per sister’s request) and I give myself plenty of emotional space for thinking about and missing my middle daughter.
My husband always gets or makes a card for me on behalf of our son. I have living children and get cards in bed. I do the same on Father’s Day and we acknowledge our son on each other’s birthdays too- we don’t give cards from him, but more along the lines of we reckon he would’ve chosen this card and would be doing this or that if he was here, that we are thinking of each other regarding the sadness that this child isn’t with us. Lots of love for that hardship.
This will be the first Mother’s Day both since my Mum passed and our termination. I have really been avoiding thinking about it and will likely sob a whole lot and hide away. Thankfully, I have a ridiculous 2-year-old son to drag me out of my funk.