Parent’s Stories
We hope these stories of medically indicated abortion which were shared with Ending a Wanted Pregnancy by parents who’ve gone through this, will help and comfort you through your time of loss.
You’re Really Not Alone
We have collected stories told by mothers and fathers who have been through the heartbreaking decision to obtain a medically indicated abortion due to a poor prenatal diagnosis of fetal anomaly, or for maternal health reasons. Simply scroll through the list of diagnoses or types of termination to see tagged stories.
In addition to the alphabetical list of diagnoses leading to medically indicated abortion below, you may also find it useful to use the “Search” bar. Simply enter keywords such as another diagnosis, a medical procedure, or other situations such as infertility, multiple losses, divorce, single parent, or a religion.
If you do not find the diagnosis that led to your decision listed here (or even if you do), please share your story with us by sending it in as text (no attachments please) to endingawantedpregnancy (at) gmail.com. Your story will help other parents who are going through similar grief now, and in the future. Know that we care about your privacy: You will not be identified in your story unless you specifically request we do so.
Listed by Diagnosis
A
C
H
Hydrops Fetalis (Fetal Hydrops)
M
Megacystis Microcolon Intestinal Hypoperistalsis Syndrome
(MMIHS or Berdon Syndrome)
N
Neural Tube Defects (NTDs) all
P
Posterior Urethral Valves (PUV)
Potter Syndrome (Potter Sequence)
T
Trisomy 9
(Chromosome 9 Trisomy Mosiac or Complete)
Trisomy 13
(Patau Syndrome)
Trisomy 18
(Edward Syndrome)
Trisomy 21
(Down Syndrome)
Trisomy Y
(48 XYYY)
Turner Syndrome
(45 X)
Listed by Procedure
Listed by Special Situation
Some Happy Endings (after a medically indicated abortion)
We are sensitive to the fact that not everyone goes on to have a healthy subsequent pregnancy and a “rainbow” baby after suffering a medically indicated abortion. However, many of us have. Our stories are shared here to offer encouragement and hope to all who are coping with this loss and considering trying again.
Grief & Healing after Prenatal Loss
Posts on Grief & Healing
Artistic Expressions
Religious, Spiritual and Moral Perspectives
Support Sites, Counselors and Groups
Books on Grief & Prenatal Loss
Memorial Resources & Ideas
About These Stories
Regardless of the fetal anomaly, prenatal diagnosis, maternal health issue or type of abortion procedure, the stories of medically indicated abortion told here may help you understand that others have been where you may be now. We’re here to help you find your way through this difficult and misunderstood form of pregnancy loss. While nobody ever really “wants” to have an abortion, facing a medically indicated abortion when you’re carrying a wanted pregnancy is a particularly heartbreaking circumstance.
Stories by those who’ve been there
Every story here was sent to us by individual who wanted to reach out to others facing the prenatal nightmare of medically indicated abortion for a wanted pregnancy. They were relieved to find our website and learn that they weren’t the only ones. Discovering that many other parents have made similar decisions when faced with the worst prenatal news possible can be a relief, can be validating, but can be a bit sad too. Nobody wants anyone else to have to go through this, but others have, and it’s nice that we can find each other and support each other through a kind of loss that many people don’t even want to consider could happen to them.
As you read our stories, please keep in mind that all were written by real people who’ve been through this. Most are lay people rather than medical professionals. If you’re looking for medical guidance regarding a poor prenatal diagnosis, prognosis, or type of abortion procedure, please consult your doctor. We are here to support each other in the aftermath of a difficult decision and loss. This is not a medical website.
Soul searching
Our stories reflect the real world experiences and views of moms and dads who’ve faced one of the most difficult decisions of their lives: the decision to prevent their baby from suffering. Obtaining a medically indicated abortion involves a lot of soul searching, and examining questions such as our reasons for having children, what we want for our children, and what do our other children, our spouses and yes, even we need as we face the terrible news that our pregnancy has gone awry.
It also involves practical concerns such as legal restrictions on abortion, insurance coverage and financial burdens, dealing with friends and family who don’t understand, and hard questions such as how to memorialize your baby, or what to do about her remains.
These are sensitive topics. If you’ve not faced a decision about medically indicated abortion yourself, we hope you will approach these parents’ heartfelt stories with compassion and an open mind. (If you’re here to judge, please go away and count your blessings.)
For the most accurate information and prognosis of a specific birth defect or genetic condition, please consult with your medical care provider or genetic counselor. Our Poor Prenatal Diagnosis index has links to qualified medical websites which will save you the trouble of seeing upsetting search engine results.
Please Share Your Story!
Your story is needed because no two stories are exactly alike. The only criteria are that you (or your significant other) terminated a pregnancy that was A. wanted, B. involved a fetal or maternal medical diagnosis.
Share your story with our readers because there is healing in writing out our stories, and sharing them with others so they don’t feel so alone. It’s cathartic. It help us sort through the pieces, the reasons and so much more. Our stories provide the common threads with which healing is woven, the realization that we’re not alone, the validation in sharing not just our reasons and rationales, but the emotions that come with doing the right thing when it can be such a hard thing.
We invite you to share your story here at Ending a Wanted Pregnancy, whether there are already dozens of stories with a diagnosis similar to yours, or if there are none. Your story is needed because no two stories are exactly alike. The only criteria is that you (or your significant other) terminated a pregnancy that was A. wanted, B. involved a fetal or maternal medical diagnosis.
Why You Should Share Your Story
Somewhere out there, now or in the future, someone in a very dark place will read your words and find comfort and hope even if it is just in knowing she isn’t the first person to go through an experience like this. Often newcomers to our site and support groups tell us the following:
1. They read our stories for hours, soaking up the understanding that they are not alone, that others have been through this, and that they too will survive this heartbreak.
2. Before they had the courage to join a support group, our stories were where they turned for comfort, validation and hope.
You can provide this comfort to grieving parents today and into the future by sharing your story with us.
What You Should Share
Many of the stories here follow a similar path of pregnancy>diagnosis>decision>termination>grief, but no one should feel limited to that familiar narrative. Here are some ideas we’d love for our readers to share:
- Your grief journey and your healing.
- How you dealt with returning to work.
- How this choice impacted your significant relationships whether with your significant other, your siblings, your friends or your parents.
- How have you grown or changed because of ending a wanted pregnancy?
- What do you wish you had known or realized sooner?
- Tell us about your decisions going forward, whether it was to try for another pregnancy, to adopt a child or to set new goals instead of adding to your family.
- What helped you get through the experience? What made it harder for you?
- Write about your subsequent pregnancy or pregnancies, your rainbow baby or babies, adoptions, or your experiences with infertility. Write about how you reached those decisions and how they’ve affected you.
- Write about other paths you’ve taken that you may not have if you hadn’t been through this.
- Share your spiritual or philosophical insights into ending a wanted pregnancy.
- If you shared stories with us in the past, we’d love an update! How are you doing now? Has your perspective changed?
- Were there restrictive laws in your region or insurance limitations that made it harder for you? Tell us about it.
While we have many stories on the site already, there is always room for fresh voices content. Prenatal tests change, diagnoses and prognoses change, laws that affect our decisions and experiences change. So even if you see many stories related to your or your baby’s diagnosis, send us your story anyway. And if you don’t see any or only a few, please add yours!
We also accept stories you’ve already published at your own blog or at a third party blog like Exhale. Just let us know if we can publish the whole thing on our site, or if you prefer a partial with a link back to your personal blog. If it’s a third party blog, we will defer to their sharing requirements.
How You Can Share Your Story (It’s Easy!)
Just write your story, copy and paste it into the body of an email and send it to endingawantedpregnancy(at)gmail.com. Don’t worry if it’s too short or too long, and don’t even think about the opinions of that fussy English teacher you had in fifth grade … we’ll take care of any editing and let you know when your story goes up.
You Can Share More Than Words
If you’re one to express yourself in some other way … writing and performing an original piece of music or singing an original song, penning a poem, drawing a picture or painting, animating a short film or creating a sculpture, craft project or collage … you can share that here too! As long as it pertains in some way to Ending a Wanted Pregnancy, we would love to share it on our site.
Your Privacy & Anonymity are Our Top Priority
No matter what you share, we will maintain your anonymity and privacy (your name will not be published) unless you specifically instruct us to include it. If you ever change your mind either way (include my name or remove my name) just email us. Likewise, if you ever change your mind and want us to remove something you’ve shared, let us know and we’ll take it down.
A Word About Copyright
Our copyright notification is to prevent others from coming along and taking content posted here. It should not be construed as Ending a Wanted Pregnancy claiming copyright on your original work. Your original work remains yours and we will always respect you as the copyright holder of your own work, and respect your right to control it.
Notes: We reserve the right to not publish any material that does not fit the needs of our readership. It may also take a few weeks or (sometimes) months to get your story published, as volunteers do all editing and posting here.