I think that it’s a common challenge, accepting crisis-mode decisions once the crisis is resolved and all the other nuanced feelings seep back into our awareness. Have a question for Ending a Wanted Pregnancy? Email us. QUESTION We asked our support group members to share their answers to these questions: How did you handle your baby’s remains? Is there anything you wish you had known earlier, or wish could have been done differently? There are no “wrong” answers to this question. Note: This may be a sensitive or “triggering” topic for some, especially the newly bereaved. For those who wonder, hospitals do deal with remains in […]
I live in a rural area and am not close to any of the in-person support groups for this type of prenatal loss. Have a question for Ending a Wanted Pregnancy? Email us. QUESTION My husband and I decided to end our pregnancy seven months ago after learning our baby had severe issues due to Amniotic Band Syndrome. I tried several times to sign up for a Yahoo listserv that was featured prominently on the A Heartbreaking Choice® website but got absolutely no response. I’m still struggling with our decision almost daily. I just need to talk to someone who has been there. I do have a counselor and […]
Yes, we have heard many times from people who don’t “agree” with ending a pregnancy following a medical diagnosis. Have a question for Ending a Wanted Pregnancy? Email us. QUESTION I’ve ended two pregnancies because of Cystic Fibrosis. We are still trying to welcome a child into our lives, through IVF. Over the last few years, I have written a lot. Now I feel I want to reach out more with my personal writing, maybe through a book, a blog or a web site. Should I use my own name or a pseudonym? I don’t want to hide, but I don’t want the subject to be the decision we made, but […]
There are no magic words that will resolve this pain for them. Have a question for Ending a Wanted Pregnancy? Email us. QUESTION I’m not sure if you can help me but, at this stage, I’m open to anything. My brother and his girlfriend, who is 40, were expecting twins. After discovering that they were monochorionic twins, Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) was diagnosed. Based on a decision to aggressively treat the TTTS, they were advised to undergo prenatal screening before embarking on any treatment program. Today, the FISH results of their CVS have indicated Trisomy 21 in 80% of the cells resulting in a diagnosis of […]
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Avoid those who seek to validate their own choices by pressuring you to do the same—regardless of what choice they’ve made. Have a question for Ending a Wanted Pregnancy? Email us. QUESTION I just had an amnio. I am only 16 weeks along. They had a tough time seeing a lot with the level 2 ultrasound but did say the baby is missing the third bones on the pinky fingers, which is a soft marker for Down syndrome. We chose to have the amnio so we could terminate the pregnancy if there was a problem. Now we’re facing the very real possibility of having to make a very tough […]
“I wish I had sought you all out in the very early days. I was too scared to look online. I was too afraid of judgment.” Have a question for Ending a Wanted Pregnancy? Email us. QUESTION What helped you to cope in the aftermath of ending your wanted pregnancy? How did you cope physically and emotionally? What got you through those first few days and weeks? What do you wish you had known at the time? ANSWERS All answers are from members of our private support group. There are two mottoes that helped me: “I took the pain so my baby wouldn’t have to feel […]
Maybe what we need is to say the word out loud more. Maybe that’s part of destigmatizing abortion. Have a question for Ending a Wanted Pregnancy? Email us. QUESTION We asked our web site and support group administrators “How do you feel about the word ‘abortion’? How have your feelings about the word changed in the years since you had yours?” ANSWERS For me even after hearing my doctor say abortion, I still didn’t want to believe it. I was a sucky pro-choice person back then. I thought abortion was reserved for other people, not me, the happily married woman. But I always said I never knew […]
If a good outcome with a given prenatal diagnosis is the least bit common, what is “awe inspiring” about it? Have a question for Ending a Wanted Pregnancy? Email us. QUESTION I stumbled across your website while surfing the Internet. Don’t you have a place for people who are living with their absolutely wonderful, awe-inspiring, children with various disabilities to add stories that might bring hope and challenge parents to make other decisions after receiving a prenatal diagnosis? Why aren’t you including stories about disabled kids who have miraculously defied all the odds? ANSWER The sole mission of this web site is to provide comfort and support […]
Have a question for Ending a Wanted Pregnancy? Email us. QUESTION How did you handle the financial burdens associated with ending your wanted pregnancy? These might include any medical expenses, travel expenses if you had to travel to obtain your procedure, cremation, funeral and related costs, and counseling services or mental health therapy. ANSWERS California—Thankfully, my health insurance covered all of it. I am lucky to live in California. Michigan—My parents helped us. I was a SAHM at the time and we were getting by on my husband’s teacher’s salary. Because he is a state employee, our health insurance wouldn’t touch abortion for any reason. We didn’ […]