Ending a Wanted
Pregnancy

When Prenatal Tests Bring Tragedy

When you found out you were pregnant, you probably never imagined you’d need an abortion. When you went for routine bloodwork or an amniocentesis you didn’t dream that the results would come back indicating a trisomy or neural tube defect. When you showed up for an ultrasound hoping to find out your baby’s sex, you may have learned instead that your baby’s condition was incompatible with life.

While prenatal testing is typically something that brings parents a little peace of mind, we’re not all so lucky. What happens to parents who learn through genetic tests or ultrasounds that their precious baby has a brain malformation, or a severe form of skeletal dysplasia, or an omphalocele, or severe heart defect? Who is there for them? Where can they get emotional support or practical information as they face the trauma of ending a wanted pregnancy? And the grief that typically follows this trauma?

When Mother’s Health is at Risk

We’re also here for those who’ve had to face abortion of a wanted pregnancy due to maternal health concerns. This includes any medical issue that prevents you from safely continuing your pregnancy: Cancer, heart disease, organ disorders, hyperemesis gravidarium, clinical depression, and so on. We fully support your right to protect your own life and health.

We’ve been there. We know.

• You’re faced with emotional, social, and legal ramifications of ending your wanted pregnancy. We get it.
• You may be dealing with family members, friends, or coworkers who are still happily pregnant. We get it.
• You’ll be invited to events like baby showers that you don’t even want to think about attending. We get it.
• You have questions about healing, your milk coming in, trying to conceive again and recurrence risks. We get it.

Those of us offering abortion grief support for parents like you have all been there too. Our website and support group are run by volunteers who understand all too well this disenfranchised form of grief. Our community has existed since the mid-1990s and is managed by people who care. We know that in addition to dealing with the tragedy of losing your wanted pregnancy, you’ve had to make one of the hardest decisions any parent can face. We get how hard it can be to share your story with people who’ve never faced these tough prenatal choices or dealt with the emotional aftermath.

A Heartbreaking Decision

We know that in addition to dealing with the tragedy of losing your wanted pregnancy, you’ve had to make one of the most heartbreaking decisions any parent can face. While we can’t make such a crucial decision for you, know that once you’ve made your choice to obtain an abortion for medical reasons, we’re here to offer you understanding support, practical information, and insights.

A Safe Place to Share

We get how hard it can be to share your story, especially with people who’ve never faced these heart-wrenching choices. You’re dealing with an abortion when you all you want is your baby.

Miscarriage support groups are rarely a fit for parents who need abortion grief support. We’re different. Our website and support group is strictly for moms and dads coping with a medically indicated abortion following a poor prenatal diagnosis or for maternal health issues. Abortion grief support is all we do here, and it’s strictly for parents dealing with a termination for medical reasons.

You need understanding abortion grief support if you are dealing with ending a wanted pregnancy. You may have fears about of sharing your story, concerns over negative judgments, or frustrations with the political environment. We know all too well how this difficult but compassionate choice to prevent your child’s suffering can be demonized by those seeking some kind of moral superiority or political gain.

Worse, you may be dealing with an unsupportive people in your extended family, community or church. Again, we understand. We’ve been there too. We’ve survived this difficult loss and we’re here to help you survive it too.

Support regardless of your politics or beliefs

Full disclosure: We are solidly pro-choice. We work hard toward the destigmatization of abortion and are all for keeping abortion safe and legal for everyone. However, we know darn well that post-abortion grief support is that something any parent may wind up needing—even those (perhaps especially those) who previously believed abortion was wrong, bad or something that only “other people” would choose. There is no political test for receiving nonjudgmental support through our group. There is no religious test. There is no “life choices” test. We’re here for anybody who has made the choice to terminate a pregnancy for medical reasons.

We are not affiliated with any religious groups or belief systems. We welcome all parents who have faced this end to their wanted pregnancies.

You’re not alone

It’s estimated that between 92% and 98% of all parents facing a tragic prenatal diagnosis or a serious maternal health issue will elect to have an abortion, yet this nightmare scenario often leaves us feeling isolated. While support for other kinds of prenatal loss is easy to find, when it comes to ending your wanted pregnancy, it may seem like you are the only one. Let us assure you, many parents have walked this difficult path ahead of you. Through this website, they reach out to you with empathy, understanding, hope, and encouragement to help you cope with this uncommon type of pregnancy loss.

If you’re a medical or mental health care provider seeking a supportive environment for your patients who have terminated a pregnancy after prenatal diagnosis or for maternal health reasons and need compassionate abortion grief support, please download and share our printable brochure.

Parent-To-Parent Abortion Grief Support

Our Stories Index will lead you to the stories of the parents who have been there before you. Check the index to find stories involving your particular diagnosis or situation, or simply enter the appropriate term into the search bar. Please consider contributing your own story of ending a wanted pregnancy. Just write it up—we’ll take care of any editing—and copy and paste it into the body of an email to us. We’ll notify you when your story is published. Your name will not be published unless you specifically request us to do so.

Share Your Story

Memorialize your baby in our Butterfly Garden. The form is anonymous (no email required). An admin will manually review each memorial before posting it in the garden.

If you’ve previously shared a memorial, know that you can still find it. We’ve archived 25 years of EWP memorials which are still available to view:

• Our original Butterfly Garden dates from 1994 to 2012.
• The Butterfly Garden we hosted at Tumblr dates from 2012-2019.

We welcome you to re-post an earlier memorial or create a fresh memorial in the new garden if you wish.